a poem.
It is a place indescribable. I used to feel so deeply. But now it is as if I have become empty.
Emotionless, secluded, different. I have grown. I have seen so much in so little time.
I have felt everything at once: lost myself, my heart, the truth and pureness of my soul and my body…I end this year with a state of void.
Walls lined with guards and needles keep me protected. As irrational as it may seem…I am safe. No one listens, understands my complexities. And yet…my silence is always questioned. I would rather suffer alone than endure pain. I became the martyr to my shadow.
If I were to open my mouth, would you listen? Would you stay around and learn the depths of myself, or walk away when I whisper hello? Would you simply forget about me as if I were a single ant in a room of millions of people? Would you be there, or choose to be an outlaw on the run? Would you love me, or let me be lost in the idea of infatuation?
With this emptiness, I have found a new awakening.
I am my own person. I have forgiven myself for choosing others over myself– neglecting myself, throwing my soul in the fire. I want my heart to mend, and I can do so.I will not be silenced, kept in the dark, forgotten, abandoned. No one will touch my mind, body, and soul with stained hands. I refuse to be someone else’s idea of a woman– caricature of what is ideal to eyes others than my own. I am a gift from the universe. I am light. I am joy. Peace, happiness, creativity, beauty, radiance, grace. I am what others said I could not be.
My void…
No longer will I be dark and empty.
