5/8/2016. Enjoy.
So many broken souls. Confused. Lost.
So many people who are dangerously reckless; careless with their bodily being. Waking up to people who cannot love themselves — who do not know how to. I can say I am one of those people: lost in the sea of my own turmoil.
Who taught us how to act like this? Creating distorted personas of ourselves to impress others. Getting caught up in drugs, sex, and alcohol as a new sense of blissful, euphoric ignorance. And as a result, we treat each other as a convoluted game to satisfy our egos, mingling and breaking bread with those that have wrong intentions. We try to connect on a level of so called “deepness” with superficial beings that are so consumed by their appearance; with how many males or females can we “save” like takeout whenever we want to be reckless and stupid; with impressing others and wanting to go home to someone who is not holding your heart. Trying to have forever is temporary. Truly hedonists.
(Hedonistic: adj.; engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.)
People become so wrapped up in not wanting titles and saying how they feel for the person they crave on a deep love level; only to maintain a “single” persona: not wanting to be tied down and hide what they feel for their special someone. Who taught us how to love like this…to act like this? Between all the facades they put on, it is a broken person who believes that they cannot turn to anyone with their problems.
Where is everyone else? They are so wrapped up in trivial matters that they cannot see anyone but themselves. To distract themselves from it. Fake deepness. Fake sympathy. Fake emotions to get back to sections of a person for their personal gain and control. It becomes about how you look so good with them — aesthetically pleasing; a power couple; how you both never should have fallen off; constructed feelings displayed to pull the “fans” and likes in. Even “I love You’s and “I miss You’s from those who do not want forever, yet they still weave their way into your demise.
But wait, what about the ones who had genuinely real intentions? The ones that always tried to be a helping hand, who only craved your happiness, affection, and love? The ones who waited for your heart to return while they were in the dark, failing to understand what, where, how, who, when, and why things were happening; who chose to hide in their silence filled with unanswered thoughts that plagued them; who fought for you while you became distracted, selfish, misguided. The ones who did not want to have a non-official relationship: something on a level of intellectual depth filled with spiritual connections and purity that radiated the soul to the core.
Who taught us how to love like this? So careless and selfish, so unaffected by the realness, but consumed by the bullshit others sell and suck you into like a black hole or vacuum in the galaxy? Till it gets so far that you change and become unaware of yourself and what is real inside of you. You have become jaded and misguided, hiding who you were only to suppress and de-stress, to put on an egotistical prideful facade to seem “strong”, building up a faux image to please others but instead wind up breaking down yourself only to become intoxicated by your own guilt and power trip that did not last.
On the other side of the mirror, the one you failed to truly love sees your self destruction they warned you about; they see the pain, tears, emptiness, hollowness, broken fragments of you that you did not want to be broadcasted. You did not want to show the world your real self behind the jaded glass; you did not want to take the metamorphosis into someone better while you are comfortable in pain and silence, filling the void with superficialness and misguided agendas. You saw everything in you, but you neglected your emotions. You neglected the one you loved and your intentions of “forever and always”, only to say that you do not want “labels”.
Out of what portal did this come from? Your hurt, your ego, your pride, your drunkenness, or the superficial actor you wish to portray? And the disdain for labels is what? Not wanting to be seen as in a committed relationship? Not wanting to lose the broken self that finds comfort in the facade you have created. Not wanting the rarity as your lover out of embarrassment. Wanting to be estranged and not answer “do you love them?” “Do you care about them?” “What do they have that I don’t?” All the hell you created for yourself to just hear “they’re not all that” “you can do better” “I can fulfill what you need and want, not them.”
Who taught you how to love like this? Look at the mirror and face yourself for once. The soul can no longer wait and knock for you to reject its calls: Who taught you how to become this intoxicated and lost, broken soul? Its intentions were to help you, to love you, to comfort you, to be there for you as your one and only, to be everything you needed, to be yours. Your everything, your forever and always till the end of time. You must take refuge in the love you give to yourself before breaking bread through everything and everyone else. Your self love reached past galaxies and wanted to envelope you, making you safe and secure; instead, you did not need it anymore.
But who taught you to love and act the way you do? The same person who chooses to drown their sorrows in a bottle, toxic behaviors, and toxic people. Taking refuge in anger and resentment. You do not really want this, do you? Open your soul. It has all the love you are looking for.
“I’m too far gone; it’s too late.”
There’s no expiration date for growth, change, and evolution. Fuck the bullshit everyone else sells you. Buy your own supply internally. You have the answers to your own issues introspectively. Seek them and bloom.
