the best way to transcend the mundane comes from denying myself.
Life is interesting with a funny sense of humor. It is complex and painful with points of beauty, joy, and happiness.
The joke? There is in fact no meaning. We think our whole concept of life circulates on the wheel of “THERE’S A REASON BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS A CONSPIRACY.” The illusion? Believing that there is a reason for existing because the world “owes” you. Denial is projected when you add the rejection of what you feel “owed” + entitlement.
With that reality check in mind, I will explain.
We get mad when we give something that we would love to do for ourselves, but we cannot. We are unable to love ourselves for the true core of who we are.
The same concept is how programming is created: We create functions and ideas of what we believe is supposed to happen for us. We wire ourselves based on illusions. Illusions shape our perceptions. In turn, lot of people wind up living in concepts and getting stuck there, failing to see beyond them with clarity and reality. We start believing lies and limiting beliefs in our head. We start only looking at things from face value while neglecting what we TRULY feel. It is the process of embodying a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You start believing you deserve pain because that is all you attract. You ever notice how easy it is to believe something negative? It is so easy to get caught up in the idea because the reality of life is not always gumdrops and lollipops. If you had to step aside and look at yourself from a unique perspective, ask if that is realistic. Is it realistic to keep acting on the emotions and pain someone caused in the past to cope? Is it realistic to keep blaming other people for your self inflicted behaviors based on your unresolved wounds? It creates a trap of being stuck with resentment towards others and lack of accountability for yourself. It creates a lack of self-awareness that fuels self-sabotage.
A person is entitled to feel the way they do about pain that has been inflicted on them. Regardless on the original intentions, that does not need to diminish the aftermath of actions. For others to play the role of God and strictly hold someone else accountable without noticing their own shortcomings is nothing but ignorance in some circumstances. It is wild how many people tell me not to give certain people chances when I have done the same for them. There is no need to throw stones from your glass house.
I cannot deny my role in situations I caused for myself. I cannot sit here in my own pile of shit and consciously say that I do not make mistakes. It is like saying “since I can’t deal with my pile of shit, let me share it with you and blame you for my unresolved issues because this is a justified moment.” EXCUSE ME, BUT DO YOU SEE THE FLAW IN THIS? You cannot keep saving your demons when they do not even want to save themselves. You cannot save someone who does not want to save themselves.
Sitting in denial instead of tending to the guilt, karma, and lessons to be learned from what you received does nothing but block blessings/opportunities. The more you sit in the past, the more it will continue to manifest, and the more you will keep suffering consciously and subconsciously. Ignorance is not always bliss.
Stop letting people narrate your truth when they know the role they played. Stop letting them tell you “You shouldn’t feel like this because I didn’t mean it”. However, the same applies for when you hurt someone else/project.
You can apologize to someone all day every day and still not learn the lesson if you do not choose to walk in the embodiment of a higher version of yourself always. Even with those that hurt me. But I refuse to allow someone to still think that they can disrespect me. I refuse to entertain gossip on the resentment of someone else. I am not someone’s emotional crutch. I am not responsible for someone’s guilt. Blaming someone else for your known toxic behaviors is not okay. I do not want to continue broken cycles and generational curses. I do not want to carry the harmful behaviors when I can be greater.
I am not giving a pass or a microphone to others: for them to tell me how I feel, what I am supposed to think, what I am supposed to say. Those who want the best for me would not pray against me. They would not use me for their own personal and selfish vendettas. They would not be able to consciously wish ill will or harm against those I have already forgiven and spoken with. I can love from afar and never speak to someone again. I can keep those boundaries and still hope the best for them. I can hold myself accountable and responsible for my actions.
I want to live for myself, not based on someone else’s limitations on me based on what they could not achieve for themselves. Contrary to widely held belief, everyone does not deserve a place in your life. We can both acknowledge what we do to each other, but I can still proceed to grow without you even if things are better.
“You’ve been manipulated now.” Amazing how that happens when I no longer give someone or negativity energy; having boundaries, having moral values, and not trying to live by deception/gossip/chains of the past. Why would I choose to be stagnant when I know better?
I give my life my own meaning. I’d rather live in my own purpose than to live in other people’s shadows or situations. I would rather deny myself finally to step into a higher sense of self than live my life full of denial of what should’ve/could’ve/would have been.
You owe the world, not the other way around. Without the world, how would you have a sense of self? How would you keep falling and picking yourself up again? How would you gain wisdom and knowledge from pain for elevation?
