death.

Date
Apr, 01, 2019

I find it very wild that we try to live this uber ultra, nonchalant life with the denial of death. What I mean is death is something so paradoxical. Painful, yet beautiful. It is interesting to see and hear someone’s ideas on the subject. Not in the “what’s your favorite serial killer?” type way. It is something more personal and down to earth that just seems to bring us down to our knees sometimes.  

I feel like death is a part of life that people always pretend to accept. “Not everyone wants to be sad all the time, why did it have to happen”. Makes sense, but it is also a double-edged sword. Death is not easy. The topic is something others wish to avoid because of fear. Many of us can become so consumed with fear over the smallest things whether it be to overthinking (one of my bittersweet traits), or with lack of faith/understanding.  

Fear of the unknown is what death is centered around. We try to control the aspects and superficial details: how we want it to happen, where we want it to take place, etc. That is not up for us to decide. It is counterproductive to try and control one of the biggest lessons of life without even trying to grasp the understanding of our own individual paths.  

I feel like situations repeat themselves and manifest in many ways/times for a reason (sometimes). It is a karmic lesson some people need. It is like “stop believing what’s spoon fed and stop living in ignorance.” In the same token, we cannot just live-in fear of death. We must make this shit count and be deliberate while we can.  

Comparing it without learning from the losses only ensures it happens again until we are forced to realize things. We must be more self-aware and filled with the faith that we have the light to control things that control us, whether it is ourselves or others. We could decide for ourselves. If we do not, no one is entitled or responsible to do it for us.  

We must learn to accept it as it comes. Grief and sadness are completely normal. The question is why is denial so normalized? Why is it that we would rather choose not to accept the loss? To be very forward, typing this stanza alone is quite different for me. I grew up unable to handle death. I knew it was necessary, but I never understood why. Even with the explanations. Now it seems as if I can deal with it normally without letting the fear consume me. For me, the key was to understand that it happened for a reason. We cannot control time. We cannot prevent everything negative from happening on the grand scale of things. We experience death in numerous ways: relationships, failed dreams, toxic habits, monetary loss, and so much more.  

Being averse to the death is like having a resentment to growth. While staying stagnant, we often fall back into the same toxic patterns and negative thoughts. We remain stuck in something that breaks us without realizing the damage is for something beyond us.  

With the sudden tragic death of Nipsey Hussle, everyone feels the change of energy. People are tired of seeing each other be taken away. People want answers. People are looking for strength in each other. The biggest strength we have right now is harnessing and fueling our self-awareness. The comparisons to the past need to end. The current life we are living is not enough. We must start taking a stand. He was not slain in vain. He found tokens of life that we need to pay more attention to vs living in a world consumed with trends and being unaware of what is really going on. We cannot sit in this place of “damn that’s crazy; I don’t know what to do.” We cannot sit in a place of ignorance and doubt. The shift lies within us if we want to reach that.  

Banding together means nothing without intention. As Solange said: do nothing without intention. It means nothing without the created illusions of divides that fuel violence and hate. However, with the task of being voices of change, we must remain vigilant with positive energy and faith. We must remember what people taught us, nuggets of wisdom we either reject or fail to act on. As soon as we accept death as it is while knowing what is learned from it, growth and transformation will follow suit. 

With this understanding, one can say, “okay so you’re telling me to be a target?” Things happen for a reason. Nipsey was slain for reasons we are aware of. However, it did not stop him. He figured out his life path and understood what came with his voice. I would even assume he was prepared for this kind of undertaking/shift. The biggest question: are we going to ride for him and for ourselves the same way? 

That is what I am taking from the lesson of death.  

February 13, 2019
May 18, 2019

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